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The Joys Of Rejection - Author KD Gates

The Joys Of Rejection

The joys of rejection!  Hello, I’m K.D. Gates.  If you’re reading this article, you, too, have struggled with or are currently struggling with the painful residue of rejection.  And, like most of you, rejection left me feeling anything but joyful.  For me, rejection began when I was a little girl, as my father, a man I desperately loved, decided to abandon me without explanation.

It doesn’t matter how great you are, how amazing your life may appear, or what you have to offer. Sometimes, people don’t want to participate and, we have to be okay with that.K.D. Gates

The Residue of Abandonment

As the years went by, I yearned for my father’s attention, love, and approval. I often questioned my father’s reasoning for not wanting me or loving me? His lack of support caused me to question my self-worth and value. “What’s wrong with me? Why not love me?” I was so confused. Above all, what left me mind-blown, seeing my father create and raise other children after me. Once again, I was left asking myself, “why not me?” “am I that hard to love?”.

While my mother was one of the most loving, kind, and caring mothers a girl could have, she could only do so much, as a father’s genuine presence is the piece geared toward building a confident child. So, mom moved on and later married my stepfather, thus giving me a male presence. However, like Dr. Myles Munroe stated, “Just because you’re born male doesn’t make you a man.” Being confined to a home with a male who lacked the tools to be a supportive and loving man was my sad experience, making that quote a reality. And, what a malefic, hurtful truth!

Contrarily, I’m not blaming my stepfather, as the fight was not one-sided. There was a little bit of stepfather and a little bit of child. The only difference, the stepfather, should have known better, and the child should have surrendered. Instead, conflict arose because I was suffering from previous pains of abandonment and rejection as a child, causing me to guard my heart to the idea of love. And, what a contradiction that was considering my innate desperation for love. There I was as a girl desperately yearning for warmth and adoration while simultaneously repelling warmth and adoration. Yet, the pain of rejection didn’t stop there.

Because my father wanted nothing to do with me, most of his family didn’t either. Their desire to discard me left me pining for their love too. Every birthday and holiday, I remember running to see them thinking things would be different. And every birthday and holiday was always the same. I received used gifts, worn out, old junk. I believe it was a way of making me feel excluded and worthless. Imagine seeing your cousins getting new and clean gifts while you received garbage – things unwanted by others – for Christmas. To this day, I can’t recall receiving anything that I’d hoped for on Christmas from my father’s side of the family. Imagine that!

So dealing with multiple forms of rejection left me in a pitiful state as a girl. I was in so much pity that I clung to the idea of hope and to a man that openly and carelessly threw me away. On all levels, my father shared his lack of need or love for me. His display of love, or a lack thereof, was not just shown through his actions but also his words. Imagine this happening to you as a child.

So, when it comes to emotional/mental pain, I’ve experienced it, felt it, and overcome it. But woe to getting older! And praise God for enlightenment!

The Joys of Rejection!

As I began embracing the joys of rejection, based upon my innate understanding of my surroundings, I came to this conclusion: If my father had raised me, I would not be the woman that I am today, and for that, I’m forever grateful. I can’t tell you how happy I am that my father, the same man whose love I so desperately wanted and yearned for it, did not raise me. And, believe it or not, I’m over the moon that my father didn’t want me. I learned that his rejection was my divine protection. And I tell God, thank you, thank you, thank you for that protection!

Friends, if my father had raised me, there could have been a strong possibility that in my later years, I would have:

  • Lived in poverty and succumbed to a poverty mindset
  • Mentally damaged and emotionally stunted
  • Drug addict
  • Prison bound

Looking to the left, to the right, and behind me, I see those close to me struggling with those issues, and it’s a sad life to live. Most of them are emotionally damaged, stuck in self-pity, doped up, and prison-bound. And, it’s not to say that I’m perfect, but my life is far better than it would have been if my father had raised me. So, my father’s rejection was my divine protection, and it turned out to be one of my biggest blessings!

Keep in mind that I didn’t feel like this when I was younger. I wanted to be in the shoes of others. I wanted a chance to know and love the man that they got to know and love. Was there something better about them? Why did he choose them over me? Those were some of the questions that I asked myself as a girl. Yet, later I saw the mishaps of my father’s life. Honestly, he was an alcoholic, an addict, lacked compassion, mentally and physically abusive, and selfish. So, when I recognized his mishaps, I realized my blessing. And, what a blessing that was!

In His Passing

My father has since passed, and I had the joy of forgiving him long before his heartfelt request and passing. Yes, my father came to me, and as he held back his tears, apologized to me. My father allowed himself to be vulnerable with me, openly discussing his regretful choices and how his actions 30 plus years ago became his daily prison. But, the most incredible step my father took that day was teaching me lessons he never thought he would.

That day, my father taught me four of life’s greatest lessons. He taught me that:

  1. He couldn’t love me or anyone else because he didn’t love himself.
  2. People work with the tools they have at that time.
  3. It’s never too late to correct your mistakes.
  4. Whether the person you hurt forgives you or not, it’s your responsibly to right your wrongs.

And for his teachings, I’m forever grateful (thanks, dad!)!

I have since found peace with the remnants of rejection, and today, I’m a mentally strong and capable woman. I’m an author, entrepreneur, mother, Ph.D. student, and believer. I know that I’m fully competent and confident in handling life’s curveballs. And, as long as I keep God first, the impossible is always possible.

His rejection became my divine protection. I love you, dad!


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The Good Poet by K.D. Gates